


Intoxication

by Writerofthelorde



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: 7k words, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Awkward Conversations, Awkwardness, Baze gets angry, Baze needs a hug, Bodhi goes insane, Chirrut gets angry, Chirrut needs a hug, Cute, Drama, Drunken Confessions, Drunken Kissing, Fighting, First Kiss, Fluf, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Force-Sensitive Chirrut Îmwe, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Kisses, Lots and lots of kisses, M/M, One Shot, Public Display of Affection, Sad, Sappy, Sweet, baze/chirrut - Freeform, chirrut/baze, cursing, dramatic space dads, soft, space dads, spiritassassin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-23
Updated: 2017-01-23
Packaged: 2018-09-19 13:29:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9442937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Writerofthelorde/pseuds/Writerofthelorde
Summary: At a party they both get extremely drunk and they make out half the night. The next morning Chirrut remembers, Baze does not. Drama happens and Bodhi yells at them for being idiots.





	

**Author's Note:**

> No archive warnings apply and story is def fine for general audiences, but they do curse when they're angry. Enjoy! <3

"Krif this beverage is so good." Chirrut says before downing the last bit of his drink. Baze laughs deeply. "I've never seen you enjoy a drink this much." "I've never tasted anything this good." Chirrut yelled back over the music. 

They both get more and more drunk. They were alone in a corner the first part of the night but when they were both intoxicated enough they ended up dancing in the middle of the floor. 

And suddenly during one of the slower dances Chirrut stops. "I love you." He says out loud. He didn't try to say it loudly over the music, but he didn't whisper it either. It was almost like he just realised then and there. It was a statement of fact.

And then, after a moment of silence, Baze's lips were on his. The impact was harsh and uncontrolled but god they were finally kissing. People around them stopped for a moment, spotting the kissing men in the middle of the room. They didn't seem to notice how everyone else in the room could see them. They just kissed and kissed and kissed. 

They kissed in the middle of the room, then against a wall, then in the window seat, then when they fell over and ended on the floor they didn't even get up before continuing their kiss. They got up at some point and started to move but they never stopped kissing and just bumped into people while walking. They danced and kissed, and sat on a table and kissed. Baze hoisted Chirrut into his arms as they kissed. Chirrut pinned Baze against the wall as they kissed. They just simply couldn't stop kissing. 

Somehow they ended up in their room and both got into one of the beds. They cuddled up all sweetly and fell asleep after another 30 minutes of lazy but passionate kissing. 

The next morning Chirrut woke up first. He immediately remembered what had happened the night before. He froze and that made him realise the position he was in. He was spooning Baze. His arm was around his waist and his face pressed in the crook of his neck. He absolutely loved it. He had loved Baze for so long it felt strange to finally hold him like this. It felt strange to remember the way they'd kissed the night before too. He slowly brought his hand up to his lips and touched them softly, before smiling brightly. He felt so happy that they had finally kissed.

But then he realised that it was basically impossible for Baze to be in love with him. He'd checked so many times throughout the past years. He had tried to find out how Baze felt about him through the force, but had always come up empty. He gave up trying when he realised it was hurting him too much. He was too in love with him to keep being hit by the cruel fact that Baze didn't love him the same way. He sighed sadly before nuzzling closer to his best friend. He held him tightly and decided that the night before had been their first and their last kisses. Baze clearly didn't love him that way, but he was grateful for finally having been able to get kissed by him. He remembered very clearly how he had said "I love you." And how Baze was the one who kissed him instead of the other way around. He would always cherish that. 

He tried to fall asleep again, wanting to just hold onto him a little longer. He could sense Baze was already waking up a little bit and he really didn't feel like having the awkward conversation about the night before. And he especially couldn't be found awake and still completely pressed up against him. So he closed his eyes, concentrated on how great it felt to be this way and slowly drifted off into a deep sleep again. 

When Baze woke up a couple minutes later he didn't remember a thing from the night before. He realised Chirrut was pressed up against him and holding onto him tightly. He could feel his breath on his neck and it gave him goosebumps. He loved the way he felt. 

He remembered when they were younger that one night Baze had woken up to Chirrut holding on to him like this. It was that moment that he realised he was in love with Chirrut. It was also that moment that he realised that Chirrut could feel that love and so in order to not embarrass himself and to not ruin their friendship he decided to hide that feeling way deep down and lock it up. That way Chirrut would never know how much he loved him. 

And after that night he never allowed himself to feel that way about him ever again. He never allowed himself to think about him in any kind of even remotely affectionate way. Every now and then while Baze was away on a different planet and he was sure enough that Chirrut couldn't feel it he would allow himself to ache for that kind of love. He would allow himself to think about holding him tight and kissing him gently. But it would always end up hurting too much and so he locked it up even further away and then never let himself think about it again. For both of them. 

In this moment he did the same thing. He locked it up even further and then got out of bed without waking Chirrut. He couldn't feel his arms around him without caving in. Even though after all these years it had become such a habit that it didn't seem to hurt anymore, he still couldn't think about it; he was afraid he would fall apart. 

He poured himself a glass of water and immediately drank it all. He was so hung over. He couldn't remember the last time he had drunk so much that he didn't remember the night before. He chuckled at himself. He couldn't remember the last time he couldn't remember. Classic. 

He heard Chirrut mutter in the other room and so he quickly stuck his head out of the bathroom to check on him. Too quickly he realised.

"Water?" He asked Chirrut when he was sure he was fully awake. Chirrut nodded and closed his eyes again tightly. "Yeah nodding isn't the best thing to do when you're hung over." Baze said with a laugh. 

Chirrut felt a little confused. He searched Baze's feelings and there was nothing awkward about him, nothing embarrassing; he didn't remember. Chirrut slumped back into bed, groaning when that hurt his head. Also groaning because Baze didn't remember they kissed. God they had kissed so much and he didn't even remember... It was safe to say he was a little more than disappointed. It's not that he thought this could bring them together. He'd just rather have an awkward moment and acknowledge that it happened than him not even remembering how they just couldn't stop kissing each other. How drunk was he that he didn't remember...? God was he too drunk to even know what he wanted? 

Baze had been staring at him from the bathroom door. He walked over with a glass of water and after putting that on the nightstand he sat down on the bed. "You're worried." He stated, not needing the force to see that. "What troubles you?" He asked, reaching out to touch his shoulder. 

Affection. That's what Chirrut felt. An affection Baze had always felt for him. An affection he had always hoped would change into something more. 

"My senses... They're not..." He trailed off, unable to find the right way to describe. "It's the hangover." Baze told him gently. He softly pulled him into a seated position and handed him the glass of water. Chirrut smiled thankfully and after taking a small sip of it, downed the whole glass quickly. Baze took the glass from him and put it back on the nightstand "that'll help in a moment." He told him before letting go of him. 

Chirrut slumped a little but then sat up again. "You're hurting." He stated. "What do you mean?" Baze asked. "I don't know, you tell me. You're the one who's in pain." He answered. He realised that sounded different from how he meant it and he quickly placed a hand on Baze's arm. "Are you okay?" He asked gently. 

Baze shrugged, knowing that Chirrut could feel the movement, before groaning in pain. "The hangover, ey?" Chirrut asked with a soft laugh. “Yeah..” Baze answered trying not to hurt even more because he knew Chirrut would feel that. 

But he did hurt more and Chirrut did feel it, but he decided not to ask about it; it was clear Baze didn’t want to talk about it.

They sat like that for several silent minutes, just trying to stop their heads from spinning. 

“Breakfast?” Chirrut asked after hearing Baze’s stomach growl. Baze stood up without a word and wanted to pull Chirrut up too, but then he nearly fell over. He groaned and gripped his head. “Bad idea.” He groaned in pain. Chirrut roze up very slowly and when he stood he reached for Baze. “You okay?” He asked concerned. Baze started a nod but quickly froze and groaned out a “yeah.” 

Chirrut laughed at him for a moment. “You tried to nod didn’t you?” He asked with a grin. Baze grumbled angrily and playfully slapped his friend’s arm. He grabbed Chirrut’s stick and handed it to him before they slowly moved to get dressed. They had fallen asleep in yesterday’s clothes and they definitely didn’t smell very good anymore. Getting undressed and then redressed was harder than they had imagined though.. They had to move a lot more than their hangover wanted them to. 

After getting dressed they moved towards the breakfast room rather slowly. Chirrut was extra glad to have his staff with him on a day like this, but Baze seemed to be far worse than him. It made him wonder if his memories from the night before weren’t right.

Memories are strange for him, since there’s no visual anymore, so sometimes when he remembers feelings and smells and such, he doesn’t entirely remember how others were in that situation. He feels like he remembers Baze kissing him and Baze initiating a lot more kisses that night, but what if he forced him..? What if Baze was too drunk to make a proper decision and he just forced him into the whole situation..? 

Baze noticed how Chirrut moved slowly and seemed to be deep in thought, but he wrote it off as the hangover. 

When entering the room he noticed how everyone seemed to be staring at them. Looking at them weird and muttering things under their breath. He figured it was just because they were new. Or maybe they had started dancing last night; he would never do that unless intoxicated. He didn't really care anyway and yet he still felt very aware of his surroundings, he was tense and ready to fight anyone who might say something bad or try to hurt Chirrut.

Chirrut could feel everyone’s eyes on them. He could hear what they muttered under their breaths: “Hey look it’s the make-out party” or “They look like they banged all night” were some of the nicer ones. Though the last one definitely made him freeze in his tracks and try to remember if they did indeed do intimate things all night, but he didn’t seem to remember and all other evidence proved that they didn’t, I mean why would we be wearing the clothes from the night before if we had sex? That would be crazy right? Right….? He panicked but then told himself that he couldn’t possibly have had sex with Baze and not remember it. 

He quickly caught up with Baze and tried to ignore what everyone was muttering, whether the positive or the negative, he didn’t want to hear it. He muted all of his senses and tried to focus solely on where Baze was going. 

Baze explained the food to him, told him their foreign names, explained what they looked like and even what they smelled like, because he knew that the amount of different smells in this place would be too overwhelming for him to be able to pinpoint which smell belonged to which product.

After collecting all the things they wanted to consume onto their trays they walked back into the crowded area, just to find Jyn waving at them and calling for them to come sit with her and the others. Baze knows Chirrut heard her and just starts walking towards them, until he noticed that Chirrut wasn’t actually following him. He walked back over to him all concerned and wanted to place a hand on him, but couldn’t do so without dropping his food. “Are you okay?” He asked his friend. 

Chirrut swallowed harshly. “My senses… I shut them down cause they.. they’re messed up…” Chirrut muttered. Baze immediately pushed someone aside to place his tray onto the table and turned back to Chirrut to hold onto him. He remembered the last time they had been so intoxicated as last night; the same thing had happened. Chirrut had been vastly disorientated and had needed his help the entire day. That was years ago though.. That was about 26 years ago when Chirrut’s senses weren’t as great as they are now. “God Chirrut, are you okay? Do you want to leave?” He asked him softly after pressing their foreheads together. “No it’s okay.” he whispered back.

Baze waited for another minute before checking again. Chirrut smiled at him. “I’m okay Baze, don’t worry.” This time Baze did back off and Chirrut was grateful. He had almost leant in and started kissing him all over again. Baze grabbed his tray, muttered an apology to whoever was sitting there and turned back to Chirrut. 

They slowly walked over to the table Jyn and the others were at. Baze put down his tray, took Chirrut’s to put down and then helped him onto the chair. “His senses are a little off from the hangover so if everyone could just be a little quieter it’d be very much appreciated.” Baze said rather loudly. After that he immediately apologised to Chirrut for being loud. Chirrut smiled at him. “No need to apologise for something that’ll make me feel better.” 

“Well it made you feel worse first so all the need to apologise.” Baze countered softly. Chirrut almost couldn’t resist the urge to kiss his cheek out of affection. Almost. He, luckily, stopped himself from making that mistake. "Thanks, Baze." He said instead. They turned to their food and had breakfast in silence, while everyone around them tried to not so obviously stare at them. Baze didn't notice at first, too busy helping Chirrut with his breakfast. He just slowly helped him out, describing what he had picked again and picking it up and placing it in his hand or placing a fork in his hand and guiding him to where he was holding the food. He occasionally stopped to eat something himself but mostly just helped Chirrut. 

Chirrut could feel that Baze didn't mind helping him, in fact he loved it and felt appreciated. Chirrut could also feel everyone's stares though. He felt their eyes drilling holes into his skull. He had pretty much turned off his senses but this was something he couldn't shield himself from and it made him blush. Baze noticed his blush and furrowed his brows. 

"Why are you blushing?" He asked softly. Chirrut ducked a little but didn't say a word. "It's probably cause he knows we all remember what happened last night." Jyn said rather loudly with an eyebrow wiggle. 

"W-what happened last night?" Baze asked confused. Chirrut cringed and felt the sudden need to disappear. "What do you mean what happened? You don't remember?" Jyn asked just as confused. Baze shook his head and then groaned in pain. "Oh Chirrut you poor man." She said with a sigh. 

Baze was so confused. "Why is he a poor man?" He asked loudly, feeling annoyed that everyone around them seemed to remember something he did not. He sighed and apologised for being loud. Then he sighed again and turned to Chirrut. "What did we do..?" He regretted how annoyed he still sounded. 

"We..." Chirrut didn't want to say it. He didn't want to let the words come out of his mouth but he didn't want Baze to hear it from anyone else so he breathed in deeply and said it anyway. "We kissed..." He whispered, making himself as small as physically possible. 

"Kissed? God you made out the entire evening!" One of the others exclaimed. Baze had frozen up. He was just sitting there, eyes wide in terror, every kiss from the night before flashing through his head and he couldn't move. He swallowed dryly before getting up and walking out without saying another word. He didn't know what to feel. He knew that he was about to break down but he was angry with himself for not remembering and for walking out and for having a breakdown instead of being happy. 

He ran to their room and dropped himself onto the bed. He was incredibly dizzy and it made everything even worse, making him curse loudly. He felt like a little boy again; the little love sick boy he used to be. So in love with Chirrut but hiding it so deep down because he knew Chirrut would never love him that way. It took him several minutes to stop crying but then he finally sat up again and wiped the tears from his eyes angrily. He needed to go back and demand answers. How did they kiss? Did he force Chirrut? Was that why Chirrut was acting so weird? Did he turn off his senses because he could feel Baze was in love with him and it made him uncomfortable? He needed answers. He stood up, dried his eyes again and angrily walked back. 

Right after Baze had walked out Chirrut sighed. He shoved his tray of breakfast away and banged his head on the table. He groaned both from the headache and dizziness, and from Baze finding out this way. The others stared at him expectantly. He could feel it. He didn't give them an answer though, he just stayed in that position for several minutes. 

"Chirrut." Jyn said in a tone he really didn't like. "I don't get it, I thought you guys were married why is he reacting this way?" Cassian muttered more to himself then to Chirrut but he got a reaction nevertheless. "Married?" He exclaimed. "Are you crazy?! Of course we're not married!" He said as if he couldn't possibly understand what made them think that. He sighed and continued on a much sadder tone. "We're not..." He whispered. "I mean we're just... Well I guess we're not even that anymore..." He sighed loudly. "Wait you guys are not together at all??" Bodhi exclaimed. Chirrut let his head fall onto the table again. "What would even make you think that.." He muttered, knowing he was gonna regret asking it. 

"What? Chirrut you two are so in love..! with your married bickering and the smirks and you know each other so well cause you barely speak in general but especially in battle you just know what the other is gonna do and it's all so in sync and the way you always inch closer to him and the way he leans into it, god Chirrut there are so many things..!" Cassian exclaimed. Chirrut sighed and didn't move up, but then Bodhi sighed and frustratedly said, "how can you not be in love with each other?" And he snapped up. "I am in love with him!" He exclaimed angrily. "God, I've been in love with him for thirty years but h-"

"What the FUCK?!" Baze suddenly yelled interrupting him from halfway across the room. "What the fuck do you mean thirty years?!" Chirrut froze and tried to search his feelings to try to understand why he was yelling but all he could feel was anger and he shuddered. "Chirrut Îmwe you're going to tell me what the fuck you mean by that right now!" He demanded taking an angry step closer, but still staying several feet away. 

"Well, what is there to explain?!" Chirrut yelled in return. "We've known each other for thirty years!" Baze yelled back. "Well maybe I fell in love with you on day one okay?!" Chirrut yelled back with a broken voice. 

Baze stood there blinking at him with his mouth open unsure of what to do. "Why didn't you tell me?" He asked his emotions changing to sad and conflicted. 

"Because Baze, what was there to tell you? I just met you and I think I wanna spend the rest of my life with you?! I didn't want to scare you away! You were so great on the first day already and you were my only friend and I was desperately in need of a friend! You know how lost I was! 23 and suddenly blind and I had never believed in the force and you helped me! At first I was scared I just felt that way because you were my first friend and then I was scared because I'd always thought love wasn't for me! I had always thought I was aromantic because I didn't care about that..! But then you came along and god even though I was blind you shined so bright..!" He admitted with tears in his eyes and god there were so many people in the room having strong emotions about what was happening that he couldn't find Baze anymore. And that scared him. If Baze was even remotely near he had always been able to feel him because he shines so bright, but now.. He was being drowned out by everyone else. 

Chirrut slumped back into his chair when Baze didn't react even in the slightest. Tears rolled down his face and a sob left his trembling lips. 

And then suddenly Baze was yelling again. "But why didn't you tell me after?! At first okay I get it but god Chirrut thirty years?!" He yelled out frustratedly. "We've been friends for thirty years! I'd rather be friends than have lost you!" He yelled back. "You wouldn't have lost me you idiot! God damn it we could've been kissing for thirty years!" Baze yelled back. 

Chirrut needed a moment to process and understand what that meant, but Baze was already stomping towards him angrily. He yanked him off his chair and kissed him harshly. 

At first Chirrut took a hold of his face and kissed back but then when he finally felt the flaming love Baze felt for him, when Baze finally let go of all the love he had locked away inside for almost thirty years, he got so incredibly angry he pushed him away and slapped him harshly on his cheek. 

"ALL THESE YEARS?!" Chirrut shouted with a volume no one knew was possible for him. He pushed him away further and spat curses at him. Until suddenly he broke. His brows furrowed and his eyes watered. "All these years..?" He chocked out. "You hid that from me all these years..?" Chirrut felt weak and slumped to the floor. For the first time in his entire life Baze didn't automatically run over to him to help. He broke him. He realised now. He didn't say a word, he swallowed harshly and tried his hardest to cry silently. 

After a full minute Chirrut moved up again a little. "You know..." He started with a raw voice. "When I woke up this morning and remembered what we did last night.. I thought, those will have been the first and last kisses we'll ever share. And I thought that because I didn't believe you would ever love me that way. But now.. Now I think that because I don't want to have you around anymore." 

Baze's eyes widened and his eyes filled with even more tears than before. All the curses in all the languages he knew flew through his head. His arms suddenly fell down, he hadn't realised he was holding them in a pleading position. Without another word he turned around and shuffled away. No one had ever seen Baze like that. 

Chirrut found his staff, used it to hoist himself off the floor and sat down on his chair. "All these years.." He kept muttering.

He sat there staring at nothing and muttering those three words over and over.

"God damn it Chirrut why do you have to be so fucking dramatic?!" Bodhi suddenly yelled after the fiftieth time he repeated the three little words. "You kept it from him for thirty years too!" He yelled genuinely angrily. "You're mad at him?! Krif I'm surprised he's not outraged at you! You blame him for nothing happening in all these years because he didn't let you know?! You didn't fucking let him know either!!" 

Bodhi was the one who was outraged, even though he thought Baze had the right to be so more than him. He huffed angrily. "God you're so kriffing dramatic! You finally know you're in love with each other and now you care more about how long you could've been together than you care for being together right now! Oh no totally go and have a fucking fight! Suddenly decide you're not in love anymore, news flash you are! And you just started your relationship with hurting him because he didn't tell you about his feelings! When you did the exact same thing!" He yelled angrily. 

Suddenly the whole room was clapping. Bodhi felt a moment of triumph but then Chirrut started yelling back. "He didn't just not tell me! He hid it from me! I know the force and it makes me feel other people's feelings. I checked so many times throughout the years! I checked his feelings and there was nothing there, he literally hid it from me! Or he's lying!" Chirrut yelled back. 

"Lying?! do _you_  even remember last night well enough?! Christ Chirrut that man's more in love with you than you seem to be with him! And you can feel his feelings?! No wonder he got scared! He knew you could feel it before he even had it properly figured out himself! And he helped with that! He's the one that showed you the force and taught you how to use it! And that was working against him!" Bodhi continued still just as angrily. Though after that he sighed and continued calmly. "If you don't change your mind on this now, you're gonna be making the biggest mistake of your life. He loves you, you love him. Please for the love of the force understand that you both hid it from each other. Cause that's really how it is man. He can't feel your feelings and you didn't say them out loud, so in his point of view you did the same thing. And you did. So please just forgive him and go be with him." He ended sadly. 

It was silent. He didn't reply or react at all. He just stared blankly into nothingness. "You're right." He whispered softly. He grabbed his staff and stood up. "Thank you Bodhi." He whispered. Bodhi sighed out in relieve. 

He shakily walked over to their room trying to think of a way to apologise. When he arrived he could hear the shower running and figured Baze was trying to rinse away the night before. When he entered the room he walked over to the bed. He sat down at first but then decided that he needed to rest his head. He let himself fall backwards and then furrowed his brows. The pillow was wet. He turned and touched the pillow with his hand. He didn't need to smell to realise what had happened but he did it anyway; salty. Baze had been crying. Chirrut let himself roll back and sighed heavily; he fucked up. 

He waited for Baze to be done but it was like Baze knew he was there; he was taking ages. He stood up and walked over to the door. "Baze?" He asked carefully. The shower turned off. He didn't get a reaction but the shower was off and he would be done soon. Since he thought it would only take a couple minutes he just kept standing there but Baze was taking much longer again, he clearly didn't want to see him. Chirrut guiltily searched Baze's feelings and regretted it with every fiber of himself. He got hit by such a wave of pain; a pain that he caused. He stumbled back in horror and then shakily asked again. “Baze?"

"I'll be out of your hair... And your life in a moment okay. Just give me a few minutes, god!" Baze replied sounding irritated but he knew now that Baze wasn't just irritated but mostly hurt. Really hurt.

Chirrut wanted to reply but didn't. Not too many seconds later Baze walked out of the bathroom. The heat and moist hit Chirrut's senses a little too hard and it took him a second to find Baze in the room; he was leaving. 

"Baze wait." Chirrut immediately exclaimed. Baze sighed with his jaw tightly together. "I'm not even gone yet." He grumbled. "If you have anything to say, do it now. I'll leave your life in a minute." He said angrily as he threw his stuff into his bag. 

Chirrut panicked, his senses were getting too much to process; the heat, the moist, the shampoo, the body wash, the mouthwash, the moving and clinking and touching of Baze's stuff, Baze's feelings and more. "Wait stop!" Chirrut yelled panicked. "I can’t..!" He muttered disoriented. 

He turned around and walked to the bathroom to close it, but instead walked straight into the door. Baze giggled for a moment before straightening himself and going back to frowning. Chirrut could feel a wave of concern hit Baze though. Chirrut tried to find where he was and what to do. He shook his head but then groaned in reminder of his hangover. "Don't shake your head you fool." Baze joked. He didn't want to, but it just happened automatically. He quickly went back to frowning. 

Chirrut closed the door and carefully walked back over to Baze. He tried to pinpoint where his hands were and then placed his own over them. "Baze. Please…” But Baze pulled back his hands roughly and walked away from him. He started rummaging through a drawer across the room and ignored Chirrut. 

"Baze please! Can you at least let me talk to you." Chirrut pleaded sadly. "I told you, you can talk now. I'll leave in a minute." 

"I don't want you to leave!" Chirrut yelled upset. "Will you just stop for a moment and look at me?" Baze dropped his stuff and turned around. He opened this mouth wanting to yell back but closed his mouth again when he finally actually looked at Chirrut. His face was pale and sad, his eyes bloodshot and puffy, his cheeks wet from tears. He wanted to walk over and take his face in his hands and dry his cheeks but he stopped himself. "Why would you want me to look at you anyway? It's not like you can see me." 

"No but you can see me." Chirrut replied in a heartbeat. He sighed sadly. "I want you to see my face, my expression while I talk to you." "Why?" Baze asked indignantly. 

"Because I'm sorry!" The blind man yelled back frustratedly. "Because I'm sorry and I want you to see on my face that I truly mean it..!" He yelled as tears made their way down his cheeks again. He hung his head and sniffled angrily. He sighed deeply to calm himself and then looked up again. 

"Baze. I'm sorry for saying... Everything.." He said annoyed with himself. "I'm sorry for blaming you.. And for hurting you.. And for saying it was your fault that nothing happened all these years.. I'm sorry for hiding it from you.. I'm sorry for never telling you how I felt.. I'm sorry that you felt like you had to hide it from me. God that must have been horrible..! I just couldn't say it or act on it, but krif Baze you had to mentally hide it..! You had to turn it off or something..! I don’t even know how that would work, but it must have hurt so much..! Fuck I'm so sorry!" Chirrut ended it in yelling, even though he had wanted to keep it calm but god he really had been so rude and hurtful to him. 

Baze stayed silent, next to the occasional sniffle and Chirrut took this chance to walk forward and stand closer to him. Baze let him. He moved forward even more and then when he was standing right in front of him he stopped. He continue to test his luck and placed his right hand on Baze's chest, but said nothing.

"What made you change your mind?" Baze asked softly, sounding.. broken. "Bodhi yelled at me." Chirrut said with a soft laugh. "What did he say?" Baze asked carefully. "That he was going nuts because we were being too damn dramatic.” Chirrut chuckled; he was right. 

"Sounds like us." Baze agreed with a soft laugh, before sniffling and angrily wiping away his tears. 

"Do you... still want us to be an... us..?" Chirrut asked carefully. Baze chuckled. "I've been in love with you for almost thirty years. I don't think there's anything you can say that would just stop all that." He admitted truthfully. 

Chirrut moved his hand away from his chest and onto his neck before using it to pull him down to his lips. Baze leant into it and placed both his hands on Chirrut’s waist as he kissed him back. "I'm sorry." Chirrut sniffled when he backed off. "I know." Baze told him before kissing him again. He wiped the tears off his face as he kissed him again and again and then he kept their mouths together, kissing him just a little bit deeper. 

Baze walked them to the bed, he was dizzy and exhausted and he needed to lie down, but he just couldn’t stop kissing him. So he walked them until Chirrut made a noise, signalling that they had reached the bed. He stopped kissing him and rubbed his thumb over his cheek, but then he let go and sat down on the bed. He undid his shoes and put them aside. Chirrut just kicked them off to a random spot and then turned back to Baze.

He stood in front of him and Baze took a hold of his hips, keeping him from walking away. Chirrut grinned and sat down on his lap with his legs on either side of Baze’s. He ran his hands up his chest, over his shoulders and into the hairs at the back of his neck, before tilting his head and kissing him deeply. 

Baze hummed in approval and reacted by moving his hands from Chirrut’s hips to his butt. Chirrut grinned against his lips, before kissing him deeper. He pushed forward and Baze let himself gradually fall backwards, pulling Chirrut with him. They kissed slowly and passionately until Baze felt the wetness of his tearstained pillow and he froze. A wave of sadness hit both him and Chirrut. 

“I’m sorry.” Chirrut whispered again. Baze looked at him with so much love in his eyes he felt sad that Chirrut couldn’t see it. “You’ve apologised enough.” He told him gently. “I really haven’t.” Chirrut immediately countered, absentmindedly playing with Baze’s hair. 

“Well then how about you kiss me to make up for it.” Baze offered. “It’s a win-win.” He added to persuade him. “I shouldn’t eve-” Chirrut started, but Baze didn’t let him finished. “Shhh” He whispered with his lips lightly touching Chirrut’s. “Just kiss me, baby.” Chirrut wanted to react to the nickname, but Baze kissed him so sweetly he just immediately forgot. 

Kissing each other was so great that neither of them seemed to be able to stop. That was until Baze was reminded of the night before. Chirrut immediately thought about it too and he backed off. “We need to talk.” Baze said unwillingly. Chirrut agreed and sat up a little.

“I was extremely intoxicated last night and I can’t help but think that I forced you into everything..” Baze admitted. Chirrut started laughing, Baze looked at him all perplexed but Chirrut just kept laughing. “Do you remember all of it?” He asked with a huge smile. “I… I think so..” Baze said hesitantly. “I remember kissing you a lot…? and with that I mean that I remember initiating a lot of kisses…” He said with furrowed brows. 

Chirrut didn’t have to see him to know he’d be furrowing his brows and so he leant in and kissed the frowns away. “No need to frown like that.” He whispered, moving down and kissing the tip of his nose. He wanted to move down and kiss his lips but he knew that he would be ruining Baze’s beautiful smile. “You did initiate a lot of kisses.” Chirrut confirmed. “…but do you remember why we started?” He asked, moving his hands to hold onto his face, ready to feel Baze’s facial expression change. 

Baze thought for a second and then he remembered. His face changed to a surprised expression and Chirrut could feel him heating up. He bit his lower lip and couldn’t help the smirk that formed. “You’re blushing” He said cutely. Baze couldn’t help himself when he leant up and kissed his boyfriend’s lips; he just looked too cute. “You said that you…” He trailed off, not sure if he remembered it right. 

“I said I love you.” Chirrut confirmed. He got tears in his eyes when he felt the amount of love Baze felt for him. “I lov-” “I know, Baze. I know.” Chirrut interrupted him. “Damn it Chirrut will you just let me say it?!” Baze grumbled back. “but you don’t have to. I can feel it.” Chirrut said as if it were obvious. “And I want you to hear it too.” Baze countered. 

Chirrut smiled. “You’re adorable.” He said before quickly pecking his lips. “Go ahead.” He said as he leant back again. 

“I love you, too.” Baze told him gently, running the back of his hand over his cheek. Chirrut’s eyes filled with tears again; hearing it was completely different. It was a whole new level of realising that he was indeed loved by his most important person. Baze was everything to him and hearing this while feeling it too, it made him break down. He broke down on Baze’s chest, tears thick and warm, soaking into Baze’s shirt. 

Baze quickly wrapped his arms around him and held him close as Chirrut weeped. "I can feel your love but krif when you said it out loud..." He said as he cried into his chest. "I... I thought... When I woke up this morning and I remembered last night I thought that I had forced you. I thought you had been too intoxicated to decide for yourself..! And when you woke up and you didn't remember..! It just confirmed!! And when we were walking you were so.. And your hangover.. And I could feel.. It all just proved..! That you were.. too intoxicated to make your own decision..!" He cried out in sobs.

Baze pushed him away just a little bit, he took a hold of Chirrut's hands and placed them on his face. "Chirrut. I'm the one who kissed you." He told him with a smile. "But then I didn't stop kissing you and I didn't even ask and I didn't let you decide an-" Baze cut him off by kissing his lips. He kissed him a little longer and then backed off. "Not a single thing can get me more intoxicated than my love for you." He whispered truthfully. Chirrut was surprised and sad and happy and everything at once and then he kissed Baze forcefully. It hurt when their faces collided but neither one of them cared. 

They kissed passionately for a whole minute but then simultaneously backed off to laugh. "Krif we really are dramatic..!!" They both exclaimed. Baze happily wiped the tears off his face before kissing him again. "I love you." They told each other at the same time. They laughed and then kissed again. 

After several more minutes of kissing Chirrut suddenly backed of again. "We're boyfriends now right?" Baze lit up and smiled brighter than he ever smiled before. "Yes!" He exclaimed happily. "Yes we are." He repeated before leaning up and kissing him again. He wrapped his arms around his neck and held him close, trying to kiss him properly but both of them being unable to stop smiling made it very hard. They backed off and laughed. "I'm so happy..!" Baze told his boyfriend. Chirrut smiled brightly. "Me too!" He agreed.

"I guess being intoxicated was a good thing after all." Baze laughed. "I thought it wasn't the alcohol?" Chirrut asked with a raised eyebrow. "It wasn't entirely, but lets be honest, if it wasn't for the alcohol neither of us would've made the move." Baze pointed out. 

Chirrut nodded ever so slightly. "Fair enough." "So lets thank the alcohol for getting us where we needed to be." Baze added. "Though I do have to say, never again do I want to be that drunk again in my entire lifetime. Same goes for this killer hangover." He grumbled all annoyed. Chirrut agreed with him in a heartbeat and several kisses. 

"I'd like to lay down now." Chirrut admitted. Baze settled back down again and Chirrut moved to lie down next to him. He did place his head on his chest though. He tangled their feet together and then sighed happily. 

"Maybe tomorrow we should thank Cassian for introducing us to that crazy beverage." Chirrut whispered into Baze's neck. Baze shivered for a moment and placed his other arm around him too in response. "Yeah and maybe we should apologise to Bodhi for driving him nuts." Baze suggested tiredly. Chirrut laughed and then yawned. "Good plan." He agreed.

He nuzzled into his neck even more and sighed sleepily. He liked being in this position. Baze felt good and smelled good and held onto him good. 

Baze sighed happily too and kissed his boyfriend's head. They were finally happy. 

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed it! <3 Any kudos, comments, concerns are very much appreciated <3


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